Take the Cannoli: May 2012

Toxic Fears

Today during my Soul Detox devotion I was struck by the question it asked

How have you seen your toxic fears influence your actions and thoughts?

only to realize this is something I have dealt with this past year and had been facing head on while going through the Psalms with my women's bible study.

remember when I asked for prayer because I would be sharing what I learned from the Psalms in front of what seemed like thousands of women
(it was really two hundred or less, but that was still a lot more than I have EVER spoken in front of)

Well, I thought I'd share what I shared with those ladies because it really sums up my devotion this morning.

Hi there, I’m Natalie Ensor and I was in Chanele’s group this year. When she first asked me to share I was all for it. It wasn’t until I sat down to write what really ministered to me through the Psalms when I started freaking out. Not because I was nervous about speaking in front of everyone, that was a given, I even prayed the Lord would come back today…twice.

It was the idea of having to cram all the Psalm goodness that saved my soul this past year into just a few short minutes.

You see this year was one of the hardest years of my life. Physically and emotionally. Through studying these Psalms I could see God working in me and transforming my heart. He softened my will so that HIS would be done. He had lifted the bricks that once laid across my chest, which left me heavy laden for far too long. I thought by letting him lift those bricks from me I was abandoning all. My past. My failures. My insecurities. But I realized I was so so wrong.

Though I felt lighter from the load being lifted-- I held onto those bricks, my burdens and fears and one by one stacked them up to build a wall. I hid behind that wall. It was safe. I was comfortable hiding.

I could be happy with just my Lord, husband and babies there. No need to let anyone in. I mean no one understood what I was dealing with and no one felt how I felt.

Or so I thought anyway.

Feeding myself these lies only left me feeling alone and helpless. Though I called on the Lord daily and dove into His good word I wasn’t receiving all that I could because of the wall I had built up.

There were days I just wanted to pack up our little family and move out to the country. Away from it all. From everything the enemy was using to take hold of my thoughts and feed my fears.

But studying the Psalms and meeting weekly with these beautiful women in my group --opened my eyes to what needed to change. My thought process needed some major reframing. I needed God to help me take my thoughts captive. I needed to surrender all. In doing this I realized I needed to let him break my wall down.

My comfort zone had to be shaken. My hiding place needed to be in Him not behind this wall. With each Psalm and study I grew, and with that each brick was being removed. And pieces of me were exposed. This terrified me at first but God made it ever so real while going through these studies how much He loves me and how my friends and family love me for who I am not some image I tried to be.

As we studied the Psalms I learned how I related to theses psalmist. We saw how whether they were in pain, going through trials or just in a time of peace they all Praised God in whatever state they were in.

I learned that it is necessary to Praise through the pain, because once we acknowledge Him and take our eyes of ourselves the pain doesn’t hurt as much and the struggles don’t seem as hard.

I came to understand that God is bigger than my circumstances. He already knows the outcome and will always be part of the end result.

Psalm 139 was just ONE of the Psalms that really spoke to me. How David speaks of God knowing us personally through and through. How we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

I love in verses 23 & 24 of this Psalm where it reads “Search me, O God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me to the way of everlasting.”

David is asking God to test him, to know what he is thinking and feeling and to rid of any wicked way in him.

That made me want to dig deeper into God’s goodness , It gave me a new desire to have a pure heart because like David I was being tested and for the first time I truly soaked up that God not only knew it but understood. He understood my hurts, anxieties and the lies I was feeding myself.

What ministered to me the most through the Psalm studies this year was God’s truths. Ladies, HIS truths really did set me free. God’s promises are so real and that has become enough for me.

I hope you are following along with us in the #SHEREADSTRUTH community. I recently shared about it here and how we're reading through a 35 day plan titled Soul Detox
you can learn more about it here.

I personally have been so blessed by each devotion. It seriously is such a refreshing study with not only life application but making you dig deep and ask yourself to seek within and really detox your soul.

Influence

have you prayed for something but not really sure what you are praying for?

so you just prayed a general prayer about whatever was placed on your heart because you felt led to?

then, when you have been praying for your heart to be prepared for whatever it is God has in store for you and it actually comes to fruition, you kind of feel a little giddy and crazy and then overwhelmed by God's Goodness.

and you laugh out loud and say God you are so ridiculously awesome!

well that happened to me recently, when I was told about some conference that was to take place and that I should be on the look out for it.

and then it happened

I saw this post and my heart flipped a ~~little~~ lot

I had been praying where God would have me, what he wanted me to share, how much he wanted me to share and where he wanted me to share.

With friends, strangers, women at church or here on this blog? I had no idea, but felt a pull.

a lot of prayers were prayed and was kind of feeling unsettled not knowing what the next "thing" or what the next "step" in my life was when

BAM!

I'm smacked in the face with this Influence Conference.

hosted by these beautiful souls

Hayley, Jessi and Casey

and will have so many, many fabulous speakers

the paragraph below was the first thing I read about the conference and within an instant knew I would be attending

If you’ve ever wondered how or why the Lord was going to use you in your home, work, community, or online – Influence is a fantastic place to connect and learn. We believe that God has given you influence right where you are, for one purpose: to make much of Him. At Influence we’re going to dig into the common thread of all of us – the Good News. We plan on doing a little teaching, talking, sharing, and celebrating concerning the ways He might want to use you on the individual platforms He’s given.

When Micah came home that night and after the kids were tucked in I shared this with him. There was no persuading, convincing or even details given when he said

"this is definitely for you"

just a week before the announcement of this conference, Micah and I were discussing my upcoming 30th birthday in September and he said that after this past year and all we've been through and all I've overcome by the Grace of God, that he really wanted to do something special for me

I told him this conference was my "special"

and he agreed

and the minute the tickets went on sale he bought one for me

(I know right, he is so awesome)

And so come Fall I am blessed in knowing I will be surrounded by such beautiful and talented souls all geared and ready to learn how we to be better equipped to bring Glory to God.

Bring. It. On!

#beyondstoked #alittlenervous #needtofindmesomeroomies

S'mores and more

This weekend we ate S'mores every. single. day

and it was glorious

I scored a castle shaped bird house for $3.99 at Michaels and had craft time with Elsie for hours on end on Saturday

she is so proud of her castle. she did it all by herself

we ate super healthy

hot dogs, In & Out, S'mores

ya workin on our fitness fo' sho' wasn't happenin'

went flea market shopping with my girl Melissa then headed to the Patchwork Indie Craft Fair down the street from me which was loads of fun.

Lots of talented vendors and met this sweet girl and saw all her goodies

my dad brought over some wicked awesome pillows my mom made from an old heirloom quilt she scored for $3 at a garage sale
love my new pillows

it was a swimming, relaxing, s'more making type of holiday

we were blessed by visits from friends and family throughout

it was a fabulous long holiday weekend

How was yours?

community of friends

I have often talked about needing a good community of Godly women around my parts of town. I had it once but then we moved... twice... within one year and now after a year of being where we're at I've decided I can't keep praying about finding the right friends but that I just need to get out there and create friendships.

I was blessed the heck out of my weekly Wed night bible study group through my church. I don't where I'd be right now if I wasn't studying through the Psalms with those precious gals. The thing is, it was a mixed group. You know, some my grandmothers age, some my moms age, very few my age. And since the night study was the only one I could attend (due to having a new baby last year and crazy nap schedules) I really didn't have any young moms like me in the group. Plus they all drove in after work from different cities so there wasn't much hang out time afterward.

Even though I didn't hang out with these ladies outside the study, this group held me accountable to constantly being in the word. Learning from each other week after week. It made me more disciplined in taking the time to open God's word and actually study it. To answer the questions given and apply these new lessons to my life.

but like most bible studies there comes summer break. We just recently had our farewell celebration study and couldn't help but cry knowing I wouldn't be seeing these same sweet faces week after week. But a big part of me was sad because I knew that this study played a big part in keeping me in the word daily, so with that sadness grew a little bit of fear. Not knowing whether I would keep at it and if I could last until mid September for the next session of weekly studies.

It's only been three weeks since our last study and I already started to struggle with reading daily. I tried. Like really tried, but sometimes finding the right devotion or the right passage to read to get my day going wasn't as easy as just pulling out my study and getting after it. I felt a pull, and then started getting distracted and instantly prayed that I would keep my focus and that God would remain my priority. And then that day, after this post I kept seeing this hashtag

pop up on my twitter feed from a bunch of new awesome gals I started following due to the Influence Conference I will be attending this fall. I checked out the devotion they were all chatting about because I already had the bible app on my phone, and seriously was blown away with the devotion. It's simple yet ridiculously applicable to your day to day life.

a few of those gals blogged about it here, here, here and here

Jessi sums it up like so "We’re reading the Soul Detox bible reading plan on the You Version (lifechurch.tv) Bible reading app. You can get it on your iphone, ipod, or even just online. Then, after reading each day (it’s a fairly short and doable plan!) we’re tweeting, instagramming, sharing our insights with the hashtag #SheReadsTruth. Jump on in and join us; we’re only on day 5 of 31 days. I know that you’ll be blessed."

seriously it's awesome

You can dive in deeper or just read the passage they give you. There is a follow up question about what or how you are applying said scriptures to your life and that is just what this girl needs. So perfect and such in God's timing. I prayed for this and he knew what I needed. Something that I could study and dig into. Psalm 37:4 tells us "If you delight yourself in the Lord, he will give you the desires of your heart."

He knows my desires to have a strong growing community of faithful women around me and my families lives and has blessed me not only with a beautiful online community but most recently with some local amazing gals I'm getting to love more and more.

I have my stand the test of time girlfriends who I adore but it is hard to see weekly and sometimes even monthly when you live a minimum of 45 minutes away.

So this morning I cried tears of joy while going through Day 8 of the study. Because the words jumped out of the screen and into my heart. I was reminded that God hears our cries and knows our needs and even our wants.

Last night I was invited to that random pinterest party I talked about earlier this week, by Kristen a girl I hardly know and was completely blown away by hers and this girls heart for the Lord. I was so encouraged and uplifted and just happy to know that these gals are only minutes from my house.

It's like God said here you go sweet child. Is this what you had in mind? And then I was like whoa Lord this was more than what I even thought.

My heart is full. My old friends, new friends and online community of friends is just a daily reminder of His goodness and how very blessed I am.

the leather pennant necklace is a knockoff of one @ Anthro and the mod podge photo board were just two of the fab DIY's we made at the Pinterest party

Oreo Truffle Recipe

so if you read my last post you know why I'm sharing this recipe.

If not you should go read it, it's short I promise

These small morsels pack some major flavor and are hands down one of the easiest treats to make.

What You Need:

1 package of Oreos (knock off brand will suffice, I used Joe's O's)

1 8 oz. block Cream Cheese

White melting chocolate (I used the vanilla flavored Quickmelts this time)

and that's it. three ingredients. now go make you some.

(please note: I'm not a big fan of oreos, nor do I like white chocolate, but man these are like cookies'n'cream goodness in your mouth, so if you're like me and don't care for two of these three ingredients you will still love them, pinky swear. And if not don't worry everyone else around you will gobble them up)

Happy Pinning!

Pinterest Par-tay!

via

ok so I'm not gonna lie. I have a love/hate relationship with good ol' pinterest

I rarely go on there and if I do it's only for a few minutes to find exactly what I'm looking for

(I literally time myself and only allow 15 min and if I exceed that I go looking elsehere otherwise three in the morning rolls around and I'm like, "what happened, where am I?")

I keep hearing from everyone I need to be on there more and it's a great marketing tool, and I totes get that and I agree with everything everyone is telling me

it's just that I literally get lost in that land of fabulousness

so I haven't been on there in months

(I know, I know please don't judge me)

via

well, my pinning dry spell ended a couple weeks ago when I was invited to my very first Pinterest party from my girl Kristen.

The purpose of a Pinterest party is to actually make the things you are pinning.

genius right?!

via

so the host picks four things

you pay a set fee and the idea is to have all the DIY's completed while munching on yummy treats and having a happy crafting girl's night

Stoked much?

I was, until I asked what I could to bring to eat and she said anything from one of your Pinterest boards

uhhh?

say what?

I have never pinned food, like i did once upon a time during the holidays

so I shamelessly went on Pinterest just to start pinning foods that I could whip up, I was searching and searching for easy quick summer treats when it HIT me

I have tons of things I would love to make

and besides my schedule is so swamped I don't want to risk wasting time making something new for it to be a flop

plus MY this girl I once worked with recipe for Oreo Truffles are da bomb and are ridiculously easy to make

DING!

lightbulb just lit up

I will make the truffles, take pics, blog recipe and the PIN IT!

yup, I know I kind of cheated but come on really this was so much easier and besides I have received quite a few texts and emails requesting this recipe so look out recipe to follow