So when I laid him down for his nap after swim class, he fussed and cried. Which is par for the course lately as he is struggling with his new teeth. I was trying to nap with Elsie and thought he'd eventually settle in (as he ALWAYS does) but he didn't. He started screaming... LOUDLY!
So I hustled my bum in there and right when I opened the door my nostrils were filled with the scent of diarrhea!
WHAT THE WHAT?
I hadn't switched on his light because I was just going to scrounge around for his paci and pat him to sleep so I wasn't sure if what I was seeing was correct. I flicked on the light and sure enough he is holding his poo filled diaper and there is poo and pee all over his mattress.
"Oh bubsy", I said as I picked him up and put him on the changing table, when there, staring right back at me was my sreaming child with poop smeared all over his face, hands, feet, legs, hair (did I say teeth?) teeth, ears ... OH MY GAWD I'm so dying right now.
I run into the bathroom holding him out far enough away from me like he was last months garbage and I start the bath water. I grab a rag and as I'm gagging I'm also cleaning and as he is screaming he is also trying to touch every toy in the tub with his poo infested hands.
I was freaking out.
He was only crying for like five minutes, how did he manage to tear off his diaper and smear it all over his body and his mattress... oh yeah, the mattress. I forgot that even though he is cleaned up and sterilized I have to do the same with his crib.
I drain the water and let him play with the bath toys as I cover my hands and arms with dish gloves and brace myself as I enter back into his bedroom.
Because it all happened so fast I hadn't taken a good look at the damage. And boy was there damage. Poo smeared all over his wall, over every inch and bar of the front part of his crib, the bumper (oh the bumper) was just a disaster and I swear I could literally see pieces of it on the fan.
I went to grab the camera when I realized I don't want to have pictures to document this mess but the memory of it written down will do just fine.
Elsie never took off her diaper. She never did 90% of the things Vernon comes up with. And though I know they are two completely different babies, Vernon is always keeping me on my toes and never ceases to shake things up around here.
But seriously bubs, I could've lived without this event.