ten

Ten years ago today May 10th, 2003 at ten in the morning, in a sweet little antique building in Redlands, CA - I walked down the aisle, tears streaming down my face as I made my way to the alter. As I slowly made my way I looked right into the tear filled eyes of the man of my dreams + prayers. I new as we exchanged our vows that he would forever be my always. 

We said our I dos and from that moment on have been on the greatest adventure of our lives. 

I knew I was marrying my best friend, I knew he would always make me laugh and I knew what an incredible husband he would be just by how well he loved me.

What I didn't know was how much more our love would blossom over the years. Through sickness and health, through good times and the even harder times. He still loves me so well and I love him more than that. 


Ten years.
Man oh man.
It seems surreal that it has already been ten years but it has.
Thank you God for my Micah.
He is a rare one.
I know that. 
Having my biggest blessing and my most favorite person ever be who I get to wake up to each morning is such a gift.

There are too many emotions flooding to the surface even as I type and so many more things I want to share about our ten years together but may have to do that on another post because I'm off to celebrate our ten years together... 

I love you more than words Micah, now let's go eat some anniversary cake!

It's been a while

Life has been full. Full is a nice way of saying extremely busy. Though house hunting was put on hold nothing else was. Besides raising the babes and living life our days have been filled with planning our ten year renewal, our trip to Paris/London, closing out the last of my orders, responding to my never ending inbox (so sorry to all who are waiting for replies, I've been a total slacker lately) and well the list goes on. 

I would love to say these are the only reasons I've been distant from my little happy space online. 

Or blame it on the fact that I went almost completely blind staring at the screen looking for houses to no avail for the past couple months. Which left me hating to be online for a while. 
My eyes needed a serious break.
I would even blame it on the fact that any extra time I have had to myself lately has been spent stitching the very last of my hoops from outstanding orders and for friends who had been waiting for months to receive theirs.

The truth is I was kind of hiding out in the shadows of this space. Popping in every now and then to check blog related emails and maybe even post some pictures from our weekends. 
I kind of was taking an unofficial break from blogging as I processed some things.

I have shared a lot on this space. Hardships growing up, growth moments in our marriage, the sometimes long days as a mama but also the joyful and magical moments with my sweet babes.  
Many times I have talked about things God is teaching me on the day to day or shared about different seasons of life. Whether painful or joyful, I have opened the door and welcomed you (my friends) in. 
Given you glimpses into our lives. 

There have only been a few moments where I felt I might have shared too much or let you see more than I wanted but only felt that way because of rude comments or emails.

Again they were few and far between and so this space I love so much has been a gateway to keeping in touch with family and friends, making new friends, discovering rad shops and artists, new opportunities and even becoming part of a beautiful online community that often times met me where I was at when dealing with some heavy life moments.

God spoke to my heart through many encouraging blog posts from others and inspired me to be a better wife, mama, friend but most importantly daughter to the King. 

It also stirred creativity in me that had been buried for years from which my shop sprouted and grew. More than I could have ever imagined. God crazy blessed me with that and used my embroidery + shop as an outlet during a very difficult time in my life. 

But...yes here comes the BUT. When I recently shared about the closing of my shop my inbox was FLOODED with emails. My phone was full of voicemails and texts from all over. My facebook messages had received more messages in twenty-four hours than it had all of 2013. (I'm not really a big FB user so that was a bit scary)
I was overwhelmed with emotion from it all. The support, the love, the encouragement. It was just so awesome. 

Unfortunately mixed throughout those sweet messages were some ugly words I wasn't expecting. Some messages were more opinionated than others about the closing of my shop and some were just downright unfriendly. 
Though hundreds of messages were received I could only focus on the ones that hurt and felt a little violated for the first time on this space. It made me feel paralyzed to sharing any more of my life's journey on here, especially when this was something so small in retrospect. 

Those words had me all sorts of doubting my decision when I knew darn right after months of prayer and surrendering to God that it was the right decision.  It got me down during a time that I should've been rejoicing.

My God, my husband, my babies, my life...it's a good one, I'm truly grateful about my blessed life and yet I was down. 
And confused.
And hurt.
And a little angry if I'm being completely honest.
So I had to take a step back, do some heart checking and needed some space to let God deal with my sensitive soul. 

I thought "how could these few emails get me so down over something so silly as closing my shop. I mean who really cares enough to judge me over that."
Then my thoughts spiraled into thinking about sharing the bigger things in life, the larger issues.
The pieces I have left unpublished.
The parts of my story I have left off my little space online. 
The life events that have shaped me.
The fragments of my day to day real life that are kept separate from this blog.
The things that have completely altered my way of thinking and have changed my life drastically.
The bigger things in life. 
The more important.
The things that matter most.

What if I ever felt the stir to share about those things? Or what about future events that take place? Will I be able to withstand hurtful words about those things God? 

I even thought about writing this post. 
I thought "do I explain at all why I have been distant or just post more pictures of our life lately."
I know it's not necessary to explain myself, but part of me felt bad for all those who inquired. For family and friends who ask "when are you going to post more pictures of those sweet faces of yours?"

Then I had a moment, while doing my bible study and was reading over His truths. It wasn't a profound moment or even one where the heavens parted and the hallelujah choir was sung as rays of heavenly light shone upon me. 
No it was more of a sweet nudge. 
A simple reminder.
I was reminded that He loves me and He approves of me. No matter my failures, past or future ones to come, He loves me just the same. 
He doesn't condemn, but encourages.
He doesn't bring me down, but builds me up.
He is constant even when everything in my life seems to be changing. 
He is the only one I care about impressing and even more so pleasing.

I realized I was choosing to miss out on something I actually enjoy. I enjoy looking through pictures we've taken and miss taking the time to go back through to edit them for posts. 
I miss journaling about our life here on this space. 
I miss writing out my thoughts only to see how God uses that to teach, stretch and grow me and in the process maybe bless others. 
I miss sharing random thoughts or new discoveries of a handmade shop or a new fun product.
I miss receiving texts from my mom about how she loved that one post.
Because the fact of the matter is this lil' ol blog is an extension of me and my family. Things I love, things I like at the moment, adventures we've been on or mischief the babes have been into. 
I can look back and see where I once was, and see how I have changed and grown.
I can revisit special moments and outings I had with the babes and remember special adventures I had with Micah. 

Although, I will admit instagram has become one of my favorite places to sprinkle photos of our lives onto as a little memory keeper, it just isn't the same of having somewhere to store my thoughts or explain the moments within the pictures I'm sharing.

I feel a little ashamed about being so offended by the words of others. This whole process of closing my shop and surrendering all to God has been about having my identity in Christ and not being measured by the world's standards and what they view as success  and then SWOOSH I get knocked down so easily. 

But like I said, I'm a work in progress and have a long way to go, this whole incident proved that to be true. 

I know our lives over here in the Ensor household our only getting busier by the day but with the official close of my shop I'm hoping to be able to be available more to be in God's word, write in my real journal, read some books, go to bed earlier and post more on this here happy space of mine. 
Some days will be worth writing more about while others just need a photo to say what I'm feeling or thinking.

I just wanted to say thanks to the many emails and texts recently about where I've been, or whether I was going to shut the blog down along with the shop. I'm here. Still me. Still learning. Still growing. Still being taken out of my comfort zone at times. Still loving. Still eating too many donuts. Still collecting too many vintage dresses. Still striving to be a woman after God's own heart. Still living this beautiful life and wanting to share bits and pieces of it with you...my friends and my family. 
So with that, I apologize for the mass photo dumping of this post...but it has been awhile. 

Chris Tomlin Concert

So some of you might not know this but I'm a big concert goer. Small shows, big shows you name it, I l love them. Some have said that it was because Micah was touring in a band when we met and for a portion of our marriage so it is just part of us to enjoy shows together and though part of that is true,  I actually frequented shows and concerts even before I started dating Micah. I love music. It moves my soul. I can be inspired and or encouraged depending on the artist.

This past weekend I was given the opportunity to attend the Chris Tomlin Concert. I had two tickets and was pumped to have a night out with Micah. Unfortunately we couldn't get a sitter so last minute and by sitter I mean my parents were busy, so I took my Molly poo instead.

I actually didn't know what to expect and didn't realize that such an amazing show was in store for us. 
I can't put into words the feeling of being surrounded by thousands of others, in a huge amphitheater, all worshiping together. You already know I'm a crier when it comes to worship and so my heart was so full after this evening of amazing worship!
Although the performance from both Chris Tomlin and Kari Jobe was beyond outstanding I can't help but note that the production itself was simply amazing. Lights, sound, monitors, stage setting all set the tone for a fantastic evening. 

I came home beyond blessed from the concert and found myself trying to share the experience with Micah through pictures and explaining the evening and realized it wasn't enough and that we would need to attend the next one together just so he could experience it himself. 
Everyone needs to. 

With that being said, I'm so stoked for the upcoming Hillsong United Show and FISH Fest 2013 that Transparent Productions has coming up! 
I'm bummed I will be traveling and will have to miss the The Hillsong United show which is in Los Angeles on Friday June 7, 2013 but if I was here wouldn't miss it! You can get a jump on your tickets HERE
But I will be able to take part of this goodness at FISH Fest 2013 which is on June 29, 2013, at the same location I just attended at Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in Irvine California. Tickets go on sale HERE today May 3rd so jump on it if you are in the area!

I had no idea all of these amazing bands and Christian artists were going to be touring through my area and so glad Transparent Productions has made that happen! Transparent Productions is a concert promotion company who are bringing Christian shows not only to Southern California but the rest of the nation. So check out them out on facebook or twitter to see if they have some of your fave artists coming your way! Or if you're like me and are obsessed with instagram, follow them there @transparentproductions to see rad concert photos!

Oh and for your viewing pleasure here are some photos of our pre-concert fun! We laughed, ate and then sat in traffic for a couple of hours...seriously such a fun night. Even after waiting in the treacherous traffic to get into the sold out concert, it was sooooo worth it! I hope some of you are able to attend a concert like this. The atmosphere is uplifting and encouraging, so good for your soul!

***This post is part of a social shopper marketing insight campaign with Pollinate Media Group® and Transparent Productions but all my opinions are my own.***

slowin' it down

So you know how we've been frantically in search of a new home, because we are looking to downsize? No, I haven't mentioned it? Oh well we are.
I'm not gonna even try and act like it hasn't been stressful. Besides closing my shop (which was very emotional) and trying to fit in stitching the last of my orders, I have also been trying to plan our ten year vow renewal ceremony as well as our trip to London and Paris... all while trying to find us a new home.
Well, about our trip... I haven't been trying to plan the actual trip Micah is taking care of that (I hope) but I have been trying to mentally prepare and plan all the things I want to leave the babes with when we are away from them for ten days.
Not to mention a few different events I committed myself to months ago, not realizing all this other stuff was going to be happening during this time and are now upon me and is definitely not helping the anxious feeling in my gut.
Oh and you know Micah is getting through finals for his Masters right now, so there you have it. If you were looking for it I just gave you the perfect recipe for crazy.
You are welcome.
Then somehow during the midst of all this crazy, something beautiful happened that changed it all. Like a breathe of fresh Spring air to my soul. 
It happened while Micah and I snuck out for a random last minute date night to a concert in San Diego this past week, we chatted about all of the upcoming events and changes in our lives. We discussed the houses we found in our price range and how neither of us had a peace about any of them.
Then Micah said the most profound thing. Simple, yet profound.
He said we should push back our move date to July 1st.
(this is where the clouds parted and heavenly beams came shining down as the angels sang Hallelujah!)
It would be after our renewal ceremony so we don't have to worry about finding a location to have it at other than our own backyard + it would be after our Anniversary trip so there wouldn't be so many big changes for the kids back to back.
Seeing how we are supposed to be moved out of our current house in less than two weeks + are still needing to find a new place before moving out and I haven't packed up or sold anything this seemed like a logical solution.
Then after he said it I was thinking "why were we even rushing it so fast in the first place?" We both felt the stir in our hearts to move and both felt the Lord telling us to learn to live with less but then we were off and running. Like it had to be RIGHT NOW!
I know we are seeking God's will and trying to live out our lives for Him but I also know that the enemy likes to add distractions to our lives to take our eyes off our priorities.
It's like the instant Micah said let's hold off, I realized how consumed I had been with moving and saw how irritable and short I had become with Micah during this time. 
A time when we should be excited about our new adventure especially as we are approaching our anniversary.
I'm so grateful God revealed my ugly heart in that moment and saw how easily I let myself become distracted and overwhelmed.
Grace upon Grace people. 
I need it daily.
All that to say...
Micah is the best.
No, I mean God is so good.
Well, yes to both of the above but really I'm taking a breath and a seat so I can make some lists, plan out these upcoming weeks and enjoy lots of iced tea in this warm California sun.
Plus I now I have time to gut the house and have a huge sale to rid of most of our belongings that wont fit in a smaller home.We can also be excited about planning our ten year anniversary events instead of stressed and overwhelmed. 

Micah went on to say how marriage is sacred and is often not viewed that way, especially in our society. He reminded me of our past couple years and how much we've grown in the Lord, as a couple and a family. He said this is worth celebrating and that we have been waiting for this since our last renewal. 
He was right. 
We have been planning this since our five year renewal and we don't want this memory to get shuffled in the mix of moving and big changes.
So blessed by my Micah and him making this decision.

So there you have it. Where we are at right now. Or at least where I'm at.
Moving just a tad bit slower so we can take in these special moments together. As a family. Enjoying each day as it comes instead of being so completely overwhelmed by it all. 
Plus all I want to do is eat strawberry shortcake and work on my tan...
house hunting + packing + sob-fests 
uhhh No Thank you.
Ain't nobody got time for dat

life lately (a linky party)

I know I just photo-bombed the heck outta this post but I've neglected to post about our shenanigans lately! #yourewelcome

Our life lately has been busy to say the least. Besides hunting for a new house and wrapping up the last of my orders before I completely close my shop we have been having lots of spontaneous fun to keep us all sane... or at least keep me sane.

We benefited from most of our friends being on spring break from their school schedules to hang out as much as possible these past few weeks.
You know just the ushe... Tea Parties. Beach. Disneyland. Parks. Dance Parties. And just last minute get togethers which have been oh so wonderful for us.

I'm ready to soak up some more time with my babes in this home of ours before we move on out. Looking through photos has not only shown me how much they've grown since living here but how very much I will miss this house.

I love how it feels as if time has been paused for a moment as I go through pictures of all of us. I love the glimpses of special details within photos of things I didn't see while capturing the moment and the sweet reminders from a quirky smile or sandy toes how truly blessed I am. 

Hoping your life lately has been blessed and that you'll share your sweet moments from it with me!

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1.) Follow your hosts via GFC or Bloglovin.

2.) Follow your co-hosts via GFC or Bloglovin. 

3.) Link up your life lately posts or any post about your life.